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June 21 , 2008

Amusing Thailand: A Survivor's Guide to Pattaya


Forget ‘Incredible India’. Forget ‘Malaysia, truly Asia’. Welcome to ‘Amusing Thailand.’ Whether you are newly retired, looking for an exotic holiday or scouring the country for a mate, this book is invaluable. Set mainly in and about, Sin City, otherwise known as Pattaya, the sixty-two chapters deal with a variety of situations which could seriously embarrass an innocent in Thailand.
The writer, Mike Bell has lived hereabouts for the last six years and his humorous take on Thai life has kept him relatively sane, out-of-jail and deliriously happy in his retirement. There are chapters on Thai festivals like Songkran and Loi Kratong which could save you from drowning or going up in flames. There is help in the delicate negotiations with the Thai police when caught ‘driving while in possession of a non-Thai face’.

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If you are coming to Thailand in search of a new career, new life or even a new wife, there is invaluable advice on what to look for, and where, and how much to pay! There is a vital chapter on what NOT to eat, eg ALL SMELLY THAI FOOD . Need help with the language? There is a chapter dealing with learning the Thai language containing useful phrases like ‘Have you an aneroid barometer about your person? If you are elderly and may have some underlying medical problems, there are chapters concerning hospitals and where to get the little blue pill. There is a health warning with this latter; if you don’t swig it down with enough liquid, you could wake up with a stiff neck. If erections last more than four hours, call up some more ladies.
Do you want to know the correct etiquette for removing a copulating dog from your left leg whilst in the presence of its owner? Could you spot mosquito testicles from across a bar? (Invaluable as only the females bite.) There are three chapters dealing with such endearing Thai characteristics as: their lack of spatial awareness that send them blundering into you on pavements, in their cars; their belief in talking buffalos; dowries. There are three chapters on Thai jokes or re-working of farang jokes from a Thai perspective.

Did you know there was a Thai Shakespeare who has stolen the Bard’s best titles and given them a Thai twist? ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ will never be the same again. Som Kinda Tealeaf claims Ian Fleming stole the ideas for 007 from Thailand: ‘Muckraker’ and ‘Thunderballs’ to name but two.
Could you walk down Siren’s Alley Soi 6 and emerge with your wallet intact? What is the best method of suicide in polite Thai society? What is a bum gun?
The answers to these questions can be found in this book. Get it now. It'll save you in the long run.

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