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May 02 , 2008

That's Not What I Meant!

How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships


At home, on the job, in a personal relationship, it's often not what you say but how you say it that counts.

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Du kannst mich einfach nicht verstehen

Das Standardwerk unter den Beziehungsratgebern Warum haben so viele Frauen das Gefühl, dass Männer nie mit ihnen reden, sondern eher dozieren? Warum haben so viele Männer das Gefühl, dass Frauen zu oft an ihnen herumnörgeln und nicht zur Sache kommen? Deborah Tannen belegt mit verblüffenden Erkenntnissen aus der…

Deborah Tannen revolutionized our thinking about relationships between women and men in her #1 bestseller You Just Don't Understand. In That's Not What I Meant!, the internationally renowned sociolinguist and expert on communication demonstrates how our conversational signals—voice level, pitch and intonation, rhythm and timing, even the simple turns of phrase we choose—are powerful factors in the success or failure of any relationship. Regional speech characteristics, ethnic and class backgrounds, age, and individual personality all contribute to diverse conversational styles that can lead to frustration and misplaced blame if ignored—but provide tools to improve relationships if they are understood.

At once eye-opening, astute, and vastly entertaining, Tannen's classic work on interpersonal communication will help you to hear what isn't said and to recognize how your personal conversational style meshes or clashes with others. It will give you a new understanding of communication that will enable you to make the adjustments that can save a conversation . . . or a relationship.

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