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April 29 , 2010

Tell No One (Story of Child Abuse Survival)


When I look in the mirror now I don’t see the terrified child who was systematically abused, both mentally and physically. If you passed me in the street, you wouldn’t notice either. You might see the small scar on my neck that was inflicted by a knife being pressed to my throat. You might notice a lump on my left wrist where the bones didn’t heal properly after it was fractured. You might notice small scars on my arms where I was used as a live ashtray. But you won’t see the scars that are deep inside me – the ones which take a lifetime to heal. They’re ingrained in me, trapped under the surface like fish under a frozen lake, waiting for the moment when the surface cracks and they can come to life again. These mental scars are the demons that haunted me when I was at my lowest point. They came out to torment me, rearing their ugly head in the darkness. Then they would retreat again for a time, making me think I’d got over what happened to me, only to show up when I least expected it. But with every year that passed, I learnt how to handle the demons more. Every sick and twisted thing that happened in my childhood has made me into the woman I am today. I’m a survivor.

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