I had been abandoned in an Orphanage at the age of 6. As soon as I realised this, the questions started. Why? Was I responsible for the break-up in the marriage? Had I done something and was now being punished? Did they not love or want me anymore? I then decided that I did not like God who I saw as a terrifying Toaster, who would burn me for any little infraction. My escape was books and writing. Ten years later, I was now “rejected” by the Orphanage and sent out into the big frightening world to earn a living and find a home. I was not equipped to handle life outside the orphanage, and so took up my fight with God again. Men, I was taught were the enemy and I had to be careful of them, because they would rape me. Not having any insight into relationships, I decided to make peace with God, and asked Him to teach me about being a real woman. That started me on my search, which led me to discover that the very men who we expected to be our Leaders in the home, knew nothing about this role. They had never been taught as well, and all their learning had taken place in the school yard, so it wasn’t fair to expect them to know anything. I started journalling, and this book is the outcome of years of thinking I have it right, messing up, and starting over. However, the relationship has lasted 43 years and I am still growing, not because I know it all, but because I choose to change.
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