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October 08 , 2008

A Smoker's and Dog's Guide to the Gal-Alexy Volume II



This book is guaranteed to make you laugh, to make you puzzle and question the everyday and to make you nod your head in agreement, thinking "I always wondered about that!"
Bess again takes us on a tour of her everyday thoughts and meanderings, picking up on life where she said goodbye in her first book.

About the Author

Bess is surely one of a kind, but at the same time she seems to be able to put words to what we are all thinking.A mental health services user, a divorcee who can do backstitch, a psychic and a lover of dogs, she has more than a couple of words to say on a variety of topics.Prepare yourself and your stomach muscles for a lot of laughter.

Book Extract

I know there are people who can read and absorb great quantities of information or knowledge.Perhaps they do it so that, when at some dinner party, they can regurgitate it and bore their fellow diners to death.

When in my twenties, and terrified of a forthcoming dinner party, I used to parrot fashion any article from the Guardian.During the dinner party, I used to hope and pray I got an opportunity to use it.

They say that one man's rubbish is another man's treasure.Likewise, one man's pleasure is another man's torture.

Men's sex drive is an awesome thing.It's just a pity they put little effort into creating the nest before lying in it.

Generally speaking giving someone a cup of tea in bed is a great way to make them feel guilty enough to get up and help with the bloody chores!However those sods that drink the tea and go back to sleep are without conscience.

Time waits for no man, but women are canny and have ways to avoid dancing to the tune of tick tock.

There are those who are medicated and those who self-medicate, and then there are those who look down from a great height for not belonging to either of these groups of people.

When taking long-term medication it is sometimes only possible to recognise the side effects after you stop taking it.

As beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so must be sexual attraction?

Man is a great inventor of artificial pleasures.The Rampant Rabbit vibrator was possibly one of his best inventions, or so I've heard.

When my son-in-law said to my daughter: "Are we sticking to the £5 present rule this Christmas?" She replied: "Well you can do what you like, but I'm only spending £5 on yours".

I thank God I have always been able bodied.In times when I have been less able mentally and spiritually, the practical often carried me through.

In my idea of a perfect world, all the men would have the hearts of Jesus and all the women would have the common sense of Mary Magdalene.

It must be traditional that one's Christmas hair-do always falls flat on Boxing Day.

My Mother Gi Gi is amazing.She was trained as a wren during the war to be a Bunting Tosser.As a Mother, she gives me no quarter when I talk rubbish.I love her dearly.

I get on fine with my friends who don't share my faith, but people without any conscience are the pits.

It is often said we live in a frightening world.However, it's always been so.To help our children we've turned many horror stories into nursery rhymes.It is with these rhymes we help the children to laugh at horror stories, and thus they become brave.

I write for women, but I pray for men.

Although France has so much to offer, sitting in an old pub in England by a roaring fire is hard to beat.

Arriving at the office and discovering I'd forgotten my glasses was a blessing.An ideal opportunity to skive.Skiving must be one of life's greatest pleasures.

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