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July 03 , 2007

Guide To Understanding Women



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You may have heard somewhere that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. Whether or not this is indeed the case (I hear NASA is still looking into it), we’re all here together on planet Earth. And we have to get along. And what better way to get along with the “opposite” sex (more on this “opposite” nonsense later) than to truly understand where they’re coming from? Here’s your first hint: it’s not Venus.


Lily is very close to finishing her Ph.D. at the University of Oxford. She also has an utterly non-lucrative Masters of Fine Arts in poetry. "Lily McNeil" is used as a pseudonym at the author's request.


Let’s start simply. Remember when you were a little kid, and it didn’t particularly matter whether or not your Tuesday morning “New Mom Brunch ‘n Play Date” was with a girl or a boy? You probably just acknowledged the other kid’s presence, made sure your mom wasn’t looking, and started grinding Crayons into the carpet. Right? Maybe that other kid took notice, liked your style, and joined you in your deconstructionist artistic endeavors. Here you were, just two tiny humans, on a joint mission to make your mothers’ lives more interesting.

Then you got a bit older, and it started to matter whether you hung out with girls or boys. At first, girls were totally weird, not interesting, and probably had cooties. One day, however, they became strangely fascinating. This is not to say that you actually spoke to them—most likely you talked to your friends about them. Or at least about some fantastical idea of them.

Then, somehow, by the grace of all that is good, you got your first girlfriend. And you got your first real education in human romantic/sexual relationships. Whether or not you knew it at the time, that initial romantic relationship created another template—your family relationships created the first—for your future interactions with women. This does not mean that you necessarily “understood” women. Hence this template-refining guide.

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